Jan 3, 2016

UBC - Day 3 - Fighter




This song about says it all!! Basically if everything wouldn't of happened the way that it did I wouldn't know my own strength. Love this song and wanted to share it. So go ahead and listen to it and see what you think if you like.

I appreciate everything in the past few years that has happened in my life. Yes, it was hard. Yes, it was stressful but in the end it made me become a "Fighter" that I didn't realize that I had in me!!

I don't want stress like anyone else but, the reality of this life is that everyone no matter who you are has stress, its just that yours might be difference then the stress that I go through. Regardless its just a part of life. Most of my life (39 years of my life to be precise) I listened to others and tried to do what others suggested and "told me was right etc" but I FINALLY woke up these past few years (right before my 40th birthday - soon to be 43 in March) and decided the heck with whatever everyone else says and thinks I need to do for me!! All these years its been the kids, all for the kids. Which don't get me wrong I would do that again its always going to be the kids first BUT then there comes a time when the kids are growing up (teens) and don't need their mom by there side 24/7's and that's when it should start being about you. You have to take care of you or else you are no good to anyone else! So that's when I said heck with everyone else! They aren't living my life! They don't know what goes on behind closed doors etc so therefore that is when I decided to actually do something instead of the "I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that" and then nothing! That was on me. That was my fault. But I finally decided the year that I turned 40 (2013) no more! I started off that year with a new outlook on things. I knew that I didn't like living the way I was etc and I wanted to change so I decided that after we got the car and I had my own money etc coming in steady that I would actually do what I have been saying and leave and that's when we were separated and I brought him to where he wanted to go and stay with friends and me the kids went out way. And then half the kids went with him and so forth but, the point is that if I wouldn't of finally grown up and realized that something has to change and in order for it too I had to be the one to do it and get the fighter in me and I did it!

Yes, it was one of the most stressful and hardest times of my life but, in the end I wouldn't change it! I would do it all over again because today I like the person that I am and have grown into compared to a few years back when I didn't' stand up for myself. I didn't or wouldn't stand up to my mother because of just that, she was my mother and I felt like if I did that would be wrong and disrespecting her etc. That's what I had in my head. These days I don't look at it that way anymore. I choose not to speak to her unless she agrees to not put me down in every sentence! That hasn't happened so we don't speak. I refuse to be put down for things that either one happened when I was younger (teens) or just BS stuff. I don't deserve that from anyone, no one deserves to always be put down and looked down on from anyone and especially not there own parent! That's just my thoughts...Sometimes maybe people need to be told they aren't doing this the best way etc but for every little tiny thing from how I fed my kids (bottle fed) to how I warmed up there milk to how I changed a diaper! I didn't have them this way or whatever omg just the little tiniest of things and they are TEENS now so please tell me how putting me down for all that little BS stuff back then (oldest is 22 youngest is 17) is going to really help me now? It doesn't! She just has nothing nice or positive to say to me and can only say what she thinks that I've done wrong in my life and the funniest thing is that I've never really "rebelled" against her so I didn't go out and cause chaos with my friends, I didn't go out and drink or do drugs or smoke or any of that so please tell me how the littlest of things are so damn wrong and awful! ugh... so yes I'm a fighter and I am very proud of the things that I've done in my life. Most of them, not all (we all make stupid mistakes) but I've been married for coming up on 21 years, yes separation has been in it but we are working on things. I have raised 4 kids. Yes 2 have chosen to go different paths and not stay around me but that's there choice. I've gone to college, I've also shown and taught my kids that you can do anything by putting your mind to it by showing them I can and do work from home and I'm on my own. So I think the recent bigger things outdo the little crappy things from a decade ago!

So that is my blog today (turned out a little longer than planned!) for the UBC (ultra blog challenge) for Day 3.


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