Book Tour "A-C-T Like a Kid and T-H-I-N-K Like a Parent" (nonfiction / self help)
Part Six:
Helping Your Parents To Help You
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Think Smart!
No matter what people tell you or say to you, accept that you are
wonderful.
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25) Your Parents Won't Give Up And You Won't Give In.
As a kid, when your parents won't give up, and you won't give in, what happens is that the situation becomes sort of a stand-off or a genuine conflict. A point of major resistance, where all forward motion comes to a halt for you as the kid. A point where all of your parent's assisted progress is stopped, where all real growth freezes for you as a kid.
This type of situation is a problem caused by things functioning clearly the wrong “way”. Somebody is not doing what they are supposed to be doing. Or they are doing what they are supposed to be doing, in and of a bad “way”. Either in the “way” that they are communicating, or in the “way” that they are not communicating. This kind of problem could only be caused by the kids' end of the relationship. A problem that would not be if you, as a kid, did what you were supposed to do, which is to follow as you are learning to lead. This situation is occurring as sort of a tug of war. A situation where either both people are pulling against each other, or each one is pushing up against one another, at the same time. Both situations will cause progress for you as a kid, to come to a stop.
In this type of situation, if you want things to get better everyone, that is part of the stand-off of conflict and resistance, has to go back to their proper roles and positions. This is in order to get things going again. And in parent-to-kid relationships, it is the parent who must do the guiding and the leading
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to the best of their ability. It is the role of the kid or child to listen, learn, practice and follow, to the best of their ability, not the other way around. Someone has to do the leading and someone has to do the following. It is the only way to get the progress, motion, and healthy growth for you, as a kid, back on track.
This is because two leaders will lead away from each other and two followers will follow into each other. The parent is trying to cause healthy growth, change, and progress in their child or kid who, clearly to the parent, doesn't yet know the secret knowledge of adults. Not the other way around. If the kid is trying to change or fix the parent, they are going about it the wrong “way”, which is more proof that the kid doesn't know the secret knowledge of adults. The child is not supposed to step out of their place, put their foot down and try to grow, correct or change their parents into the people that they want them to be. It just won't work that way. You as a kid will suffer great losses just for trying it. It is the wrong “way” to try to get what you, as a kid want. If you are fighting and resisting your parents guidance by listening to yourself for guidance or worse, listening to the voice of one or more of your friends, then at home where your naturally placed guide is, your parents, there will be big problems and conflict waiting there for you, or any kid in that type of situation. By resisting your parents or better said “trying to lead the leaders”, you are wasting what little time you have to grow to be able to master the secret knowledge of adults. This time should be used by you and your parents to show and tell you how and what to do to help and assist you to becoming a fully grown big person. A person who can get whatever they want and need of their own good
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work and efforts with full awareness of the secret knowledge of adults. While you as a child are resisting being guided and lead, you are wasting valuable training time that you can't get back. This is because time, once it has passed, it's gone. It's history.
With respects to time, the parents came first and then the kids followed, never the other way around. Stand-offs don't make any sense and, as a fact, it does take a certain degree of high intelligence to be able to see the value of staying in your place and doing your part as your parent's kid, or child, big or small. And sadly, some people just aren't smart enough to actually know better, which does explain why we see, meet and hear about so many messed- up, screwed-up and poorly functioning people in the world. The fact is that your intelligence has to be able to outrun and overpower your immense ego. Either way it is important to avoid conflict as they, your parents, guide and lead you through life. With what little time you have as a kid, to be a youngster, especially if you don't want to become one of those lost adults in your own future, you should choose for yourself to listen.
You see, you will basically be a child, or kid, in society for eighteen years or so and then, if you're fortunate, you'll be a grown-up for the next seventy years or so, give or take a few years. But to your parents you'll be their grown-up kids or children for life. By listening and following the guidance and leadership of your parents, you are learning from their examples how to someday take the lead in your own life and family through that secret knowledge of adults. Because later on in life, when you are all grown up and successful, you may, at
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some point, find yourself being followed by young people that will be called your "kids". They, as kids, will need you to guide and protect them using the secret knowledge of adults that you, as a grown-up, will have already mastered. Knowledge that is invisible to them. They as kids will challenge you to give up as if they have that secret knowledge of adults already, when they clearly don't.
Would you, as a parent, give up on your kids because they decided to act and pretend to be the parent all up in your face?. . . and neither will your parents.
So, if you have lost your place or your way, just stop and get back on track and play your position, as a kid, in the family. Even though your parents are not perfect, they are there to lead and guide you with the secret knowledge of adults that they possess and their life experience as a bonus. So get good grades, eat smart, do your chores and look and smell good. Do this regularly, so that when you are all grown up you can actually have the full and wonderful life that you may dream of. A life that your parents are secretly wishing for you to have.
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26) If You Are Asking On The Day Of The Event, It's Too Late.
As an example, when I was growing up with my parents, I noticed how I was being parented. I also had friends who of course had parents. I had neighbors who also had parents and I had schoolmates who also had parents. My parents' parenting style was different than my friends' parents' parenting style. My friends' parents' parenting styles were different then my neighbors' parenting style. My neighbors' parents' parenting style was also different than, again, my parents' parenting style. But with all these different parents and their many parenting styles, they all had at least this one thing in common. They all hate being asked about stuff at the last minute or put on the spot, so to speak.
It doesn't matter which parents we approached that way, we always got the same answer. And that answer was a big, fat “No”.
When an event came up like a birthday party, a school dance, friends going out to the movies, going out to a friends' house, going to an after school sports event or hanging at the mall, it just didn't matter. Whatever we as kids would want to do, no matter how good and wholesome it was, if we waited until the last minute to get permission to go out to the event, we would each of us be told “no”. It didn't matter which parent was asked, mother or father, the answer would still be “no”. We could have done our chores, our homework, gotten good grades and eaten all of our veggies and we would have still
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gotten a very unchangeable “no”. No begging, whining, crying, pleading or negotiating, not even if we asked with our friends standing right there would be no difference. But then, there were a few of my friends who were always able to get permission to go to every birthday party, school dance, movie or sporting event. The rest of us thought that their parents were awesome and that our parents were gremlins.
This type of thinking about our parents went on for years until one day while I was being driven home from school by my friends' parents, I heard my friend tell his parents about an event that was going to happen almost a month later. He was actually asking for permission to go to an event at the MET museum in New York City. This was a real field trip. He told them where he would be going, when it would take place, which teachers would be in charge, how much it would cost, when he would be returning, how he would get there and back. His parents said right there on the spot that they didn't see why it would be a problem and that they would think about it and get back to him about it at a later date. I couldn't believe that they practically told him yes, right then and there, a whole month in advance. But that's not the funny part.
The funny part is that when I got home I said to my parents everything that he said about the field trip event to the museum in almost the same way and order even though I knew that my parents would say “no” and guess what happened. My parents said that they would get back to me too. They didn't say no and later that month they got back to me on it. They gave me money for travel and lunch, signed the consent form and let me go on the trip.
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So, of course, I explained this all to the rest of my friends and from then on we all got to go to all the events that we wanted to go to. Who knew that by letting our parents know the who, what, when, where, how and why of that particular event, of course ahead of time, that it would actually make a difference in what we would get to do?
You see, what I found out was that parents like to have time to talk over with each other about what their kids wants to do. They like being told about things in advance so that they can look the place up and see who's going to be in charge of us, while we are out there. And they like to budget and to being able to put money aside for us. All to keep us safe and secure, so that we can have a happy good time. And all this stuff that they do goes on behind our backs for everything that they let us do. Even if we don't realize or see it.
By telling our parents about the things that we want to do, we are letting them know that we are smart enough to realize just how much they do for us because they care for us. And that our safety is something that they plan for us daily.
So don't wait til the last minute to ask if can you go somewhere. Give your parents, guardians and caregivers enough time, and information, to make an educated decision. Do it so that they can think about what they need to think about. Do it so that they can have time enough to give responsibly give you permission to do what you want to do. So, again, ask in advance.
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27) Parents Like Common Sense And Standards, So Get Both.
Parents worldwide like it when their kids show that they have got some good common sense and some kind of standards of their own. Proof that you, as a kid, have developed them both, shows up in your behavior and in your thought process daily. Your parents take notice when you speak out loud and when you make your decisions as you do things daily. How you reason, think and come to your conclusions also shows how much common sense you, as an individual, actually have. A common sense that can only be developed by basically paying attention to your parents and the world around you. Which, when you have it is something for you to brag about.
It is one of the main things that your parents look for, in you, that lets them know that they can trust your thinking, to sort of help them to keep you out of trouble while still growing. They, as parents, learn to trust your grasp of common sense and appreciate your standards the more you, as a kid mentally grows. As a kid, your growing and developing common sense and standards, means that you are learning to look at situations and realize in them that there is a better way to do things, and also a better way to get things done. You are realizing that you do have choices in life's situations and those better choices, in your life, reflects your standards and common sense. When that happens for a child it is truly a wonderful thing. An example of a kid
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applying standards and common sense would be, for instance, if they, as a kid, decide to dress warmer when they go outside. If they were functioning without having developed good standards and common sense, they might have gone from inside where it was warm, to the outside where it was cold, with only just a thin shirt on. And then they would get a chill, get sick and come down with a cold. They might end up with a runny nose or worse. These choices and behaviors shows that they, as kids, obviously haven't developed the common sense and standards to be sensible and wear a jacket to keep warm before going outside. Preventing themselves from catching cold and getting sick, is why their parents basically have to make them put a jacket on before going outside. They, of course, as kids, roll their eyes back in their head because they haven't developed the common sense or the standards to know better themselves. They just can't see it.
Or, as an example, kids may share and drink off the same soda with friends. This is because they haven't developed the common sense or the standards, to get the point of avoiding behavior that passes germs and colds. So they end up catching and helping to spreading their friends' germs and colds. Of course, to prevent this from happening, when parents see this about to happen, they step in and stop them from sharing and, of course, the youngster again just roll their eyes up in their heads. This, again, because they, as a kid, just don't get the point of why they should stop doing that. Which is further proof that they still haven't developed the good common sense and standards to fully protect themselves. Or they may choose to allow themselves to mess around with someone from their block, school, or place of worship. And
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when the relationship falls apart, like they generally do, they still have to see that person around where they live, their school or at their place of worship. They become embarrassed and humiliated by the gossip and the shame of being seen as their “ex''”, or as has-been leftovers. This, of course, could have been avoided by using good common sense and standards that they have yet to develop. Or, they may go out and do what they want to do, without protection, where they catch something awful, all because they haven't developed the proper common sense and standards to know the better way to do things. This is again further proof that they haven't got good sense or knowledge to be protected by. Or they might be the type to go to visiting their new friends' house after school, without getting any permission or communicating with their parents. Which, of course, by the time they get home, they find out that their parents were worried sick for not knowing where they were, with the police at their home, while the whole neighborhood is left looking for them, while assuming that the worst things possible have happened. All this because the kid hadn't developed the good common sense or standards to call or talk to their parents first to prevent things like this from happening. Which is again more proof of the same thing, where all this drama and nonsense could have been avoided just by having grown enough to have developed a little common sense and standards.
When you have developed the ability to see how using good common sense and standards, on a daily basis, can stop a bunch of bad things from happening to you, you are on your way to developing and being able to fully see that secret knowledge of adults. This also means that you are
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slowly learning to make choices that help you to dodge many of the pitfalls in life. Good common sense and standards are a big part of the secret knowledge of adults. This is partly why you, as a kid, really need your parents.
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28) Earning Your Parents' Respect.
As a kid, when it comes to parents, us having, earning and receiving their love, is almost guaranteed. You can be one of the most stubborn, unruly, wayward kids and they would still love their child and that's for life. It's fairly easy to have a parent's love but it is a whole different thing to earn a parent's respect.
This is because love and respect come from two entirely different places. The love comes from what they feel for you, almost through themselves. Respect comes from what they think about the what, and the “way”, you are doing things, that you are doing in your own life. As a kid, you can disgrace your parents and they will still love you. But even though they do love you, if you disgrace them, they won't respect you. As their child, you can act shamefully and your parents will still love you. But if you act shamefully, they won't respect you. You can steal from them and lie to them and they will still love you. But if you steal from them, and lie to them, they won't respect you. As a kid you can smell bad and look terribly messy and they will still love you. But if you smell bad and look terribly messy, they won't respect you. As a kid it can be very hard to earn the respect of your parents. You can't just smile your way through this one. If you want your parents' respect, you are going to have to earn it, and fight for it. This is because it isn't as easy as being loved by them. Your being respected by them is definitely worth a lot to them. When it comes to your parents, the “way” you do things, the “way”
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you get things, the “way” you live and the "way" you keep things, does matter to them.
As a kid, watch the “way” that is being promoted in your surroundings. A “way” that you have the power to use, choose or change for yourself, in your own life. They may not say it but they, as parents, look for proof of character in everything that you do as a kid. Proof that you have made a point of displaying character in all that you, as a kid, do or touch. Your parents watch your life for proof of honor and honesty, hoping to find both honor and honesty present, in the “way” you do everything as their child. They especially watch for decency, which is based mainly on how well you treat other living things in your surroundings. It's about how you use the power that you have over others, including smaller kids and pets. Your parents look to see you show mercy on those who have messed up on you, that are also smaller than you, like your brothers or sisters. It makes them, as parents, very proud when they see you, as a child of theirs, showing forgiveness to those who have foolishly wronged you. As you are growing up, it makes your parents really proud of you when they see how powerful you have become. They are especially proud when they see how gracious, kind, merciful and considerate you can be. They marvel at how great you have become, when they watch you being able to share with those who have given you nothing. As a parent, it gives them great joy to see their child, you, stand up against opposition to preserve the rights, safety and freedom of those around you as a kids. And the thought that if you were around a place, even if you were just passing through, that when you left that place, it would be better and cleaner because you were once there.
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These are the types of things that can help you as a kid who already has their parent's love, to earn their respect. These are just a few of the actions that can help a kid earn their parents' respect.
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