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Monday, January 07, 2008

Current mood: moody
Category: Life

Today was alright, I didn't get done what I needed to b/c people just wouldn't freaking coroporate today! After all its a Monday what the hell do I expect. I called the school a million times trying to get through and couldn't get ahold of the person that I needed to talk to, so theres always tomorrow I guess.
Didn't get ahold of another person that I needed to get ahold of today, called and no one answered there, its like they are still on freaking vacation! Hope that they enjoy there freaking vacation!!
The kids got home and every one of them had homework so I helped them with it and then Jared and Leon went to Dollar General to get a few things since Jared has a report due and needed poster board. He still has a week or so to do it but wanted to get started on it. Come to find out I am low, yet again, on printer ink...GRR! I haven't been printing things out so him and Leon must of been for there games and there cheats or something. So I need to order ink sometime soon and then we noticed that we don't have that much paper either since the 3 little ones loves to draw and color and things on all my plain white paper.
We ate supper, watched the end of American Gladiators I think is the name of it and watched Deal or No Deal. Jared guessed the right case that the money was in, if only Leon would of moved his butt off of here so that I could of gotten on here and voted for it...MEN!
I read in the paper the other day that a guy here in town, won $7,000 on a scratch off ticket. I wish that I could win that much. I would be happy with a few thousand right now. I think the most I won was $35 or so combined off of a few of them. My best friend Lori spent New Years in Vegas with her dad and I heard from her today and she said that hit a jp o a $1 slot and won $401...Im excited and happy for her. If anyone deserves to win, she does. Shes a great person and deserves it and I hope that she had some fun on it.
The kids are in bed, sound asleep, Leon in front of the tv and his game of course and me for some reason is very very very moody and just cranky and ready to bite someones head off. It just came over me, don't konw why, just a moody and bitchy feeling. I changed my layout on here and then thought hmm why bother it still looks crappy and then ended up leaving it since Christmas is over and thats the one that I still had up. Im just not giving a crap about much right now. Why do I get these feelings like this, that I just don't care. That I just want to take a trip and get away and stay gone a week and then come back and be in a better mood hopefully. My life isn't all that bad, we've had our ups and downs, Im sure everyone has in there life at one point in time.
I called one of my friends today, he had emailed me back about a week before Christmas for my address so that he could send me a Christmas card like he always does EVERY year and so I sent him the address and told him about us moving back to TX and I haven't heard from him since. I called him today and left a message on his voice mail. Then today there was 3-4 unknown numbers that called me but I didn't get to it in time and no message left on my voicemail so I don't know, I was thinking that if something happened to him, that it was his wife that was calling and checking to see who it was calling, I didn't say my name when I left the message, never do, he knows my voice and everything. So no email and no call from him since around the 17th of Dec and I am VERY worried and concerned about him. Hes diabetic and he was doing pretty good as far as I know BUT we haven't talked to much lately and I konw that soemtimes when he knows that my kids are around or other people, we won't get to talk like we want so I think there was something he wanted to talk about the last time we talked but didn't get to. I had that feeling after we talked. And now that I haven't heard from him....its not like him to do this. I have a card from him every year since omg years and years ago. Ever since I have been married I think he sent me a card every year with his kids and sometimes him and his wife in it. The last couple of years just kids not him and his wife and I think that its b;c they aren't getting along that well, they never really did, she was his rebound after his first marriage ended in divorce. He told that awhile back that the dr told him that he could lose his eye sight at any time, thats how bad his eyes were getting but he said that he was fine and could see fine and was still driving around and working his 60 hours a week and tending to the house and kids and working and bowling and living life. I know that theres things that he isn't telling me, we dated and remain best of friends since high school, I konw him inside and out, as he does me and we konw when somethings going on and we just aren't saying it. I hope that nothing happened to him...I don't know what I would do...I think a piece of me would die!!! I just hope hes ok, I miss him and just want to know that hes ok. I worry about him and care about him alot.
I was worried about Lori to, but I know that she just got busy and had a good time in Vegas and she wrote me today to let me know shes good so I am glad to hear she won some money and is safe and sound.
I worry about my other friends to, just don't voice it that much on here but you all are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you all are doing great and enjoying the beginning of 2008.
Maybe I just need to go and relax and play a game again. I did that a couple days ago just totally got into a game and that relaxed me from worrying about things, maybe thats just what i need to do again. Me and the kids played a mystery one the other night, one off of the bigfishgames site and a few on the iwin site. I like the sims carnival game from it. Stayed up til 3:30 the other morning playign it, the trial never stopped so I enjoyed playing it...was supposed to of been a 30 min demo/trial and I stayed on it for hours and had a good time just putting the world at the back of my mind.
I hope that when we get the money and find a vehicle, hopefully a truck is what I want with the extended cab. I want to go out and find us a good place to settle down in. I hope that I am making the right choice by moving us to TX. Here lately, I am beginning to doubt myself. But then I read whats going on over here and when I open our front door..omg that smell...GROSS!!! The smell of drugs being smoked or whatever, I don't do drugs and am not around them and never have been enough to get involved with them, BUT I can tell you its not damn cigerette smoke I smell when I open up the freaking front door!!! We need out of here and were going to get out here, the question is should I uproot them yet again to another town/state or stay here? I already thought I made up my mind by moving back to TX but then I don't know, I hate moving and I hate taking my kids out of schools. But this city is mother freaking going down the damn drain!!! You hear sirens all over the place and read the stories all over the town not just in certain sides or parts of town, its freaking all over!! Someone was jogging down one of the main roads here the other day and freaking got shot in the arm out of the blue around 3 in the freaking afternoon!!! I tell you what when we lived in Dallas there wasn't this much BS goign on and that was freaking Dallas!!!!!
Then Im thinking, well if I stay here its just going to be the same thing, me staying in the 4 walls and not getting out and meeting anyone or hanging out with anyone or going over anyones house or vise versa, I will be couped up here still so whats the point and then I though there in TX at least I have friends where I could see once in awhile if we wanted to. I think that I have friends there, I would love to see my girlfriends that I hung out with in high school. I love them and miss them alot. Shaye, Retta and Misty and a few others if I could find them. I t would be awesome to see them again. We had a reunion a few years back, but I would like to see them more then every few years.
anyway, just alot going on with me, I just feel depressed and in a mood to where i just need to get away or I need to just relax maybe its all the stress with the burners going out on the stove and this and that it all adds up and with hubby not helping with getting a job etc. Maybe we do just need to go and then I can start a new life sorta, I have a plan, move there, get settled, Im getting a new pc nothing fancy but something handle the jobs that I got offered. I am going to work at home as a customer service rep like I did for flowers and loved it and do that when the kids are in school then after school we can spend time together except once in a blue moon Im sure I will have evenings and or weekends but thats understandable. I wnt to be there for my kids as much as I can. I have been there for them all of there lives and I don't want a job to where I can't be with them all the time. So I like the schedules that I got offered to choose from, now I just need the pc and another phone line to do the job. I figure that we will get moved and settled and then I will start work and Leon will be housedad, can't freaking depend on him to keep a job even though he swears that oh yea he will go out and work when we get there...yea whatever, we will see. As long as he helps with the house and the kids sometimes and I can do my job in peace and quiet and he doesn't stress me out right before work I will be fine and can make some pretty good money and get the kids things they want and have it better.
All I want is for my kids to have the things they need but to have things they want to. They are great kids and deserve some things they want. Each of them has there own wants of course. Jared he wants his own room, working on looking for a 4 bedroom but not sure that will happen but we will figure something out and Jesse wants a canopy bed and pink everything in her room with shelves and things everywhere, Chris, hes my kiddo that doesn't ask for alot but I will figure out something for him. Sean, he wants the dirt bike and helmet and knee pads and all that and a desk to draw on etc. Hes my boy that likes to be rough and plays hard on the bike and skateboard.
Well now that I have wrote a book in half an hour of typing, I guess this is it and I will say goodnight for now, I think that I am going to play a game and just put my mind to rest b/c its really going in a million directions. Have a good night everyone.

10:18 PM -


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