Jan 13, 2012

Friday the 13th - tons of emotions came out today

So today is Friday the 13th..uh huh I believe it! Today before my hubby (soon to be ex) left for work he brought up some stuff that brought up other things that brought up more things and it went from there.
So needless to say he is now on his paid vacation week right now...It came out that I am done and don't want to be in this marriage anymore.
I have felt as though I have lost myself and who I am during these years and I don't want to continue down this road for 17 more years! So I let him know. We didn't fuss/fight/argue etc we talked it out..but this has been building up for awhile and now that things are coming together with the new house and things are finally starting too look up and such I really just want to start out this year fresh and this is the best way I feel to do it.

Some might think that I didn't try but when your not "in-love" with the person that you married to begin with..its another situation..and especially all the abuse and things that he's put on me for half of the marriage, I might of forgave him, but I won't ever forget all the things that we've been through. My mom back in the day when she scared me and I believed everything that she had to say she gave me the ultimatum of either marrying him or she would take my son from me and at the time I was 21 or so and I had a little efficiency apartment and working but it was tough and from all the abuse that I dealt with from her in the past I just bowed down to whatever she said and I believed her that she would take him and I wasn't about to have my child raised by her and have the chance that she would do to him what she's done to me so I said ok and married my hubby. I did it for my son..and now I am getting out of it for myself and my kids. I love my kids more then life itself and will do anything for them, I just don't love hubby and don't want to be married anymore...life goes on.
So he with the help of my middle son has convinced me to let him stay at the new house and share my middle son's room with him. The rooms are big and roomie at the new house and they will have 2 twin beds in each room so there is plenty of room as long as he knows and I have made it clear that I want my time and space and I am done living the life that my mom wanted me to live. So yea lots of emotions came out today...

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