Jan 12, 2011

New Year and changes to come (kinda long)

I have been thinking about this for awhile now and I have made the choice that I am going to do it because I believe that its the right thing for my kids and myself. So when we get the tax refund back, which I am e-filing tomorrow night at midnite. We should get it back within 2 weeks, that's the usual. Within a week of getting the money, I am going to become a single mom. I am telling hubby to leave this time and am set on not letting him back into our home. I plan on buying him a bus ticket back to the town that he grew up in most of his life and has friends there that he can stay with until he gets on his feet. I have had my mind set on this for awhile and yes I have said this before but this time, I have so much on my mind that I want things to be less stressful and for my kids to live the rest of their childhood being happy and not basically ignored by their own freaking father and knowing that their mom and dad isn't getting along and him staying here isn't the healthiest way to handle things so I am giving him a bus ticket back to where he came from.
Its going to be hard, but I know that with my kids keeping me going, putting myself into work and having friends to chat/email/vent/talk too I will be ok. Its been a long time coming. We haven't been happy for awhile. Last year he begged and I let him back in for one last chance but I just don't love him anymore and what's the point of letting him stay here if I don't love him, we don't get along that great, haven't really argued a lot lately but still he ticks me off and I am just tired of the stress and me not feeling like I can move on with my life because he's still here in the house. So that is it, I am ending it and it should of been done awhile ago.
I know that some of my family probably won't like it but they haven't lived with him and dealt with him day in and day out like we have and at this point I am mad enough at myself that I have wasted as many years as I have with him.
Its time for me to be happy, I deserve to be happy and first and foremost, my children deserve to be happy. At least they are teenagers now so they know what is going on and understand things better then if they were younger. I wouldn't give up my kids for the world, but the years that I put up with him, I shouldn't of just because of what others thought.
Its time to move ahead and that is what I am going to do and that is what this year is going to be...moving ahead to better and happier times and things.

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