Dec 13, 2007
Choices we make
- December 13, 2007 at 4:33 PM by Lisa_2900
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Choices that we make, soemtimes they aren't the right ones, sometimes we make them and then sit back and think uh oh what did I do??
Here lately, I have been going back and forth with a few issues dealing with me and my family. Some of the issues and choices that I have had to make are hard ones. I am affecting my kids everytime I make a big choice and I only want my kids to live a good and happy life. I have made the choice of not only moving out of this town b/c I feel that were not safe here and I don't want my kids feeling not safe to. They are old enough to know what is going on in the world and when the guys the other day pulled the guns out OMG that was one of the scariest things that I have ever heard come out of my children's mouths! They were so shakin up and scared to say the least. I made the decision then and there that were going to move, the question was when and where.So I thought about it and looked in our paper online and saw a couple of places that might be alright then I thought ok if there are people doing drugs over here and this looked like a descent nieghborhood and there are people with guns walking around over here and then the fact that we got two windows broke b/c of freaking brats walking by and throwing rocks at my house!!! Then Jared getting cut on the face the other day at the school with NO nurse there and none of the teachers even asking him if he was ok?? GEEZ! So I thought longer and decided that we just needed out of this town.
I know that I said before that I wasn't going to move once Jared got into High School but he also told me that its not that great around here and wouldn't have a problem with moving. So this wasn't just my choice, I asked him what he thought and he just doesn't feel safe here anymore. Not to mention that he said Dallas wasn't even this rough!!!! Now thats saying ALOT because we lived in Dallas and they had a couple of bratty kids that bullied/pestered the kids but nothing like throwing rocks at our windows and one of them doing that on a freaking rainy messy night...thats just CRAZY!
Then the choices that I have made dealing with my husband. Well, me and him have our times but, I guess I love him more then I think I do or something b/c there are times when he can get on my very last nerve like on Thanksgiving when he was a 100% JERK! But then I talk to him and make him sit and listen no matter what and explain to him that if he doesn't knock his crap off that one day hes going to come home to an empty house. He doesn't want that. He has been being have here lately. Today hes even being nice to Sean!! My point is, we have been married for 12 1/2 years! 13 years on Valentines day coming up in a couple of months. We have been thru HELL literally and back yet were still together. I don't want to be misserable, I want to be happy and I think that here lately part of my moodiness is that I am stuck in this darn house 24/7's and no one to go see or come over and visit etc. Its Leon and the kids and thats it. I think thats part of the reason why I like getting on here and making friends and sometimes blog a million times a day. So I got to thinking, well we did good in TX so why not move there and then I thought well my girlfriends from back in high school all live around there close where I used to live and we've made it there before so why not go there close and then maybe I will get the chance to hang out with my friends. Lori my sis lives in Garland and I know that she would be excited and happy if I was closer and then my other friends that I haven't seen in awhile...Misty and Scott said heck yea and Im sure that some of my other friends wouldn't mind seeing me now and again. Brian is there and Shaye and Retta I would love to see Shaye again...and I would love to see Retta and meet her daughter. So there are alot of different people and reasons why I think that moving there to TX close to everyone would be a good idea and make us happy. I think that I could be happier if I had other people/adults to talk to once in awhile and hang out with sometime. I don't get out and go anywhere but I would love to go there and be able to if I wanted to at least have the option of going out or over to some one's house or someone come over and visit for adult conversation.
Sometimes in our lives we just need to make changes and that means changing our mines and making choices that maybe we didn't think we would make earlier on.
I used to have family here but now they live over an hour away and we don't talk that much anyway so whats the point of hanging around here for them...theres no reason. My aunt, uncle and cousins live the hour away and then my grandma lives further out then that. She lives about 2 hours. So the point is that we need to just live our lives and not stay here b/c I made a promise and said that we weren't going to move. Yea, I didn't want to move but being as things have gotten bad and we just don't feel safe, we don't need to stay here and put my kids lives at stake b/c I said that we weren't goign to move out of town again. And just b/c I get mad and upset at my hubby and say that I am going to move without him, which btw he read on my messenger the conversation me and pink lady had and saw that I was going to leave so yea that didn't help. But I think that did OPEN his eyes b/c ever since that day, hes been nicer to all of us. Even Sean and thats a miracle within itself!! So yea I think that it opened his eyes and he realized that I am being serious that it was in the plan to up and leave him. Maybe thats what needed to happen to wake him up and realize that if he doesn't want to be alone he better shape up or ship out!!
I know that I could still go and make it on my own, yea it would be hard but I know that I could do it and it can be done. But if he keeps it up being have well then, thats what marriage is all about ... love, putting up with crap and forgiving your spouse. Thats what being married is all about, not just getting mad and then giving up and leaving..thats why there are so many divorced people out there. Because they are to stuborn to sit and talk or maybe there are just some out there that aren't compatible but whatever the reason marriage to me, is putting up with things. I mean hell my mom has been married now for the 3rd time. I think that if I ever was to divorce Leon I wouldn't be able to just up and go out and find another man. I don't want to start over again with another man after putting nearly 13 years into someone and something its just not for me to find someone else.
So thats my thoughts on choices and things. I also think that there are alot of "what if's" with choices and I asked myself those what if's the other night when I was trying to decide what we should do and I think that we should just go and settle down there in TX and relax and be with friends and maybe even Leon could find some guy friends to hang out with, never know. We both don't have any friends around here so its just up each others butts all the time and thats stress...believe me!
Thats it for now, will blog more later on after Survivor, can't wait to see who leaves and then the Finale comes on Sunday!! Can't believe that its fixing to end already!! Went by to fast :) Have a great night everyone...hugs
Dec 10, 2007
We will be moving at tax time somewhere near my friends that live in TX somewhere by where we used to live before but a little further from there like in Sherman hopefully/maybe if I can find us a place there. It won't be til tax time so say Febuary at the earliest. I get online and do our taxes and I do them as soon as possible but they were saying on the news the other day that there might be delays in getting our refunds, there better NOT be that much of a delay or else I will be PISSED!
Anyway, Leon said that Brian was there to, which I knew this but Leon seems to think that Brian needs me there closer to him so that he would have someone to go and visit and just somewhere to go and get away from all the crap and chaos in his life. Like when I lived near him before, nearly every Monday on his day off, we would go out to eat somewhere or just hang out and have fun and talk and watch movies or whatever and just relax and not worry about things. Well Leon seems to think that with all the drama that has been going on in his life lately that he needs one of his best friends me there for him to come over and vent to or just hang out if he needs to. He isn't that close with his parents anymore as far as I know, no thanks to his current wife, Im sure and I don't think that hes that close to his brother either. He goes out and bowls every Monday but maybe he needs something else to do or somewhere else to go other then bowling. hes got his wife's crap to deal with and not to mention that they (I feel SO sorry for him) live NEXT DOOR to his freaking Mother in Law which is a nightmare to say the least! If I lived next door to Leon's mom I wouldn't of been able to deal with it. She was one controlling woman of her "baby boy" (RIP, shes gone) but even if it was my own mother OH HELL NO I iwouldn't do that to me or even to Leon!!! LOL...NO WAY!
So anyway, I miss my friends and me and Leon talked about it and theres no one here for us. I have friends there so I might as well try to find us a place there if I can and then maybe I would be in a better mood sometimes if I had a chance to get out of the house and see my friends and hang out now and then or whatever.
Oh and thank you Misty (hugs)for the comment on the other blog, I miss you to and would love for you to meet my kids and hubby and I would love to meet your kids and hubby and see you again that would be awesome!!!
Come to think of it lol I might just have my cake and eat it to!! I would have my hubby which we've been doing way better now and then I would have the other man that means the world to me and is the bestest friend to me who is an ex boyfriend but a first true love and we are really close and I would love to hang out again like we used to and just relax. Leon mentioned him...I wasn't thinking completely of him, I was thinking more of my girl friends to hang out with but yea Brian is just another wonderful reason that I need to move closer to my friends and Lori. I would absolutely love to live closer to Lori then we could hang out for a weekend if we wanted to and live close that would be cool.
So anyway when tax time comes were going...wish me luck on finding a good place...hugs...
WE WERE WITHOUT ELECTRICITY FOR 4 HOURS TODAY!!!!!!!! So the wonderful phrase, you don't know what you got or have til its gone is soooo TRUE!!!!!
This morning I went in there to watch Y&R and right after I did the freaking electricity blinked on and then off like 4 times! Then it went off for good!!! So we thought OH GREAT! Leon walked to the corner store and they had no electricity either. So it was for at least 3 blocks. I called Pizza Time on a busy road by us and he said theres was out. I called Wal-Mart and they had electricity. So then I called the kids school, theres was on. Leon decided that him and Jared needed to go to walmart while there electricity was on and get us some food like sandwhiches etc so I called walmart again to make sure it was still on so that Leon and Jared wouldn't walk all the way up there for nothing. So I called them again and they said yea it was still on and the lady said where are you and I told her m y street and she said oh yea well half of Lawton is out!!! And Kansas City Missouri!! So my heart goes out to ALL the people out there without electricity right now. So anyway Leon and Jared went up there to walmart and me and the kids sat here covered up and trying to keep warm. Leon and Jared came BANGING on the door and I got up and let them in Chris and Jesse was asleep they took a short nap.
I called in THREE times within the past 4 hours and reported our outage. They had a automated thing and it came on and siad that 200,000 people in OK was without electricity and that there was 2500 workers from other states was coming in to help out and get the electricity on as soon as possible. OMG they scared the tar out of us because earlier when I had called before Leon and Jared went to walmart, the lady on the automated thing said that they would get on the service by TUESDAY THE 18TH OF DECEMBER!!!!!! OH HELL NO!!!! So thats another reason Leon said better go stock up on sandwiches b/c we can't cook.
Leon fixed us sandwiches and we ate them and talked and just goofed off and then Leon was going in my room (we were hanging out in the front room) he was going in my room and said I guess thats it for my job...and I said WHY??? and he said b/c I am NOT walking home at night with no street lights and he was saying that he couldn't go to work either b/c he couldn't wash his work clothes and then LOL I am telling you the good Lord above said oh no no no and the lights came on!!!! NOT KIDDING!!! It was amazing!! I think that my grandfather, Leon's mom and others got together and said they need there electricity back on and the lights came on. They came on for a few minutes and then went off for a min, came back on and then off for about 5 mins and then back on and (knock on wood) they have been on ever since around 3:30 or so.
I am thankful for having the lights back on, the pc and my MUSIC!!!!! Not to mention the tv for the kids. Anyway, just thought I should jump on here and get this wrote before something happens again.
My prayers and thoughts are with those that don't have there lights back on yet. I hope that everyone stays safe and as warm as they can and I hope that they get it back on ASAP b/c I am telling you if we would of been without it until next week on Tuesday the 18th OMG I just can't imagine!
So now I am told by Leon that he was serious and since he called in Friday is what hes telling me, which thats my fault because I had a panic attack and just felt wierd and didn't want him to leave, well hes telling me that he basically lost his job b/c of missing Friday!! So now thats that and I told him Thursday hes going up there getting his check and getting a pair of black pants for working somewhere else regardless if its a chicken place or wherever hes goign to work b/c I can't handle him being back up on my butt 24/7's again...doesn't even have to be full time, just part time would be fine with me. I got offered a job the other day. I saw it in my email from Cloud 10 but I need to have more memory and I need to have more free space which I don't have on this pc ... I need a new one. I was thinking of renting to own just for the job so I don't know..they have one for $25 aweek and I might just check into it more.
So thats about it for now, going to start transferring more of my old blogs off of my 360 yahoo to here. I don't want to lose them. Hugs...
EIGHT GIFTS THAT DON'T COST ANYTHING!
1. THE GIFT OF LISTENING...
But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.
2. THE GIFT OF AFFECTION...
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and handholds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.
3. THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER...
Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."
4. THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE...
It can be a simple "Thanks for the help" note or a full sonnet. A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life.
5. THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT...
A simple and sincere, "You look great in red," "You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal" can make someone's day.
6. THE GIFT OF A FAVOR...
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.
7. THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE...
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.
8. THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION...
The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone, really it's not that hard to say, Hello or Thank You.
Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care.
Monday, December 10, 2007
BRRRR!!!! I am freaking freezing cold this morning!! Its like 30 here and messy as all get out. Rain, sleet and juck ICK! They actually had the buses run here today although Chris' bus was like 10 minutes late and there was no way that I was going to have my kids wait out in this crap for some bus that is going to be 10 minutes late so I let them stay home. My fault...I thought by the looks and talk about it last night that they wouldn't of had school today b/c of it being so messy and icy and slick out but no they did it anyway, so thats that. My kids missed, oh well I don't want them to stand otu there and get sick...tomorrow they are more then likely going, since they are driving me up a wall today but dang today was just to messy and slick and not to mention that I kept waking up all hours of the night to freaking sirens! So yea I am guessing there was alot of wrecks/accidents here in town last night from all the sirens going off.
Dec 9, 2007
I HATE THE COLD WEATHER!!!!! I swear if I thought we could, lol, I would move to freaking Florida or CA just so that we wouldn't have crummy cold ass winters! I hate it here. Its crummy out and its like getting dark at 2:30 in the afternoon and its all gloomy and cloudy and grey out just plain icky!!! I honestly might look to see how much the rent is in CA somewhere I know that I am taking a long shot here but if I dared to think that we could make it...I WOULD DO IT! Anyway, just in a crummy mood today b/c of the cold icky weather.
Amazing Race comes on tonight..can't wait to see it. I love that show. Theres another movie coming on tonight at 7 figures at the same time as my AR comes on that I wanted to watch on something family channel that is called Snowglobe or something like that with Mario Lopez and Melisa Joan Hart I think and it was a nice little commercial about it but I dont' want to miss my AR so I guess I will miss the movie and hope that htey replay it later on this week or something so that I can watch it then. My hands are cold and I am making so many mistakes just sitting here typing so I guess thats about it for now. I am one of the people that I just get cold no matter if its warm in the house, I still get cold..hate it!!
Anyway, hope that you all have a great night and wonderful rest of the week. Oh and I wanted to say that one of my friends so to speak, he wrote me the other day and told me that hes going to Iraq in 2-3 weeks (SUCKS right around Christmas) so I just wanted to say taht I hope that he stays safe while hes over there and I hope that we stay in touch.