Dec 13, 2007

Choices we make

Choices we make

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Good afternoon everyone. I have a ton of things on my mind today so I thought that I would write and get them off my mind and on here.
Choices that we make, soemtimes they aren't the right ones, sometimes we make them and then sit back and think uh oh what did I do??
Here lately, I have been going back and forth with a few issues dealing with me and my family. Some of the issues and choices that I have had to make are hard ones. I am affecting my kids everytime I make a big choice and I only want my kids to live a good and happy life. I have made the choice of not only moving out of this town b/c I feel that were not safe here and I don't want my kids feeling not safe to. They are old enough to know what is going on in the world and when the guys the other day pulled the guns out OMG that was one of the scariest things that I have ever heard come out of my children's mouths! They were so shakin up and scared to say the least. I made the decision then and there that were going to move, the question was when and where.So I thought about it and looked in our paper online and saw a couple of places that might be alright then I thought ok if there are people doing drugs over here and this looked like a descent nieghborhood and there are people with guns walking around over here and then the fact that we got two windows broke b/c of freaking brats walking by and throwing rocks at my house!!! Then Jared getting cut on the face the other day at the school with NO nurse there and none of the teachers even asking him if he was ok?? GEEZ! So I thought longer and decided that we just needed out of this town.
I know that I said before that I wasn't going to move once Jared got into High School but he also told me that its not that great around here and wouldn't have a problem with moving. So this wasn't just my choice, I asked him what he thought and he just doesn't feel safe here anymore. Not to mention that he said Dallas wasn't even this rough!!!! Now thats saying ALOT because we lived in Dallas and they had a couple of bratty kids that bullied/pestered the kids but nothing like throwing rocks at our windows and one of them doing that on a freaking rainy messy night...thats just CRAZY!
Then the choices that I have made dealing with my husband. Well, me and him have our times but, I guess I love him more then I think I do or something b/c there are times when he can get on my very last nerve like on Thanksgiving when he was a 100% JERK! But then I talk to him and make him sit and listen no matter what and explain to him that if he doesn't knock his crap off that one day hes going to come home to an empty house. He doesn't want that. He has been being have here lately. Today hes even being nice to Sean!! My point is, we have been married for 12 1/2 years! 13 years on Valentines day coming up in a couple of months. We have been thru HELL literally and back yet were still together. I don't want to be misserable, I want to be happy and I think that here lately part of my moodiness is that I am stuck in this darn house 24/7's and no one to go see or come over and visit etc. Its Leon and the kids and thats it. I think thats part of the reason why I like getting on here and making friends and sometimes blog a million times a day. So I got to thinking, well we did good in TX so why not move there and then I thought well my girlfriends from back in high school all live around there close where I used to live and we've made it there before so why not go there close and then maybe I will get the chance to hang out with my friends. Lori my sis lives in Garland and I know that she would be excited and happy if I was closer and then my other friends that I haven't seen in awhile...Misty and Scott said heck yea and Im sure that some of my other friends wouldn't mind seeing me now and again. Brian is there and Shaye and Retta I would love to see Shaye again...and I would love to see Retta and meet her daughter. So there are alot of different people and reasons why I think that moving there to TX close to everyone would be a good idea and make us happy. I think that I could be happier if I had other people/adults to talk to once in awhile and hang out with sometime. I don't get out and go anywhere but I would love to go there and be able to if I wanted to at least have the option of going out or over to some one's house or someone come over and visit for adult conversation.
Sometimes in our lives we just need to make changes and that means changing our mines and making choices that maybe we didn't think we would make earlier on.
I used to have family here but now they live over an hour away and we don't talk that much anyway so whats the point of hanging around here for them...theres no reason. My aunt, uncle and cousins live the hour away and then my grandma lives further out then that. She lives about 2 hours. So the point is that we need to just live our lives and not stay here b/c I made a promise and said that we weren't going to move. Yea, I didn't want to move but being as things have gotten bad and we just don't feel safe, we don't need to stay here and put my kids lives at stake b/c I said that we weren't goign to move out of town again. And just b/c I get mad and upset at my hubby and say that I am going to move without him, which btw he read on my messenger the conversation me and pink lady had and saw that I was going to leave so yea that didn't help. But I think that did OPEN his eyes b/c ever since that day, hes been nicer to all of us. Even Sean and thats a miracle within itself!! So yea I think that it opened his eyes and he realized that I am being serious that it was in the plan to up and leave him. Maybe thats what needed to happen to wake him up and realize that if he doesn't want to be alone he better shape up or ship out!!
I know that I could still go and make it on my own, yea it would be hard but I know that I could do it and it can be done. But if he keeps it up being have well then, thats what marriage is all about ... love, putting up with crap and forgiving your spouse. Thats what being married is all about, not just getting mad and then giving up and leaving..thats why there are so many divorced people out there. Because they are to stuborn to sit and talk or maybe there are just some out there that aren't compatible but whatever the reason marriage to me, is putting up with things. I mean hell my mom has been married now for the 3rd time. I think that if I ever was to divorce Leon I wouldn't be able to just up and go out and find another man. I don't want to start over again with another man after putting nearly 13 years into someone and something its just not for me to find someone else.
So thats my thoughts on choices and things. I also think that there are alot of "what if's" with choices and I asked myself those what if's the other night when I was trying to decide what we should do and I think that we should just go and settle down there in TX and relax and be with friends and maybe even Leon could find some guy friends to hang out with, never know. We both don't have any friends around here so its just up each others butts all the time and thats stress...believe me!
Thats it for now, will blog more later on after Survivor, can't wait to see who leaves and then the Finale comes on Sunday!! Can't believe that its fixing to end already!! Went by to fast :) Have a great night everyone...hugs

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